Winona, Interrupted

Sigh.

Winona, Winona, Winona. Will you ever learn?

Were you ever taught to shoplift properly? Perhaps you never learned the peel off the bar code and security garb and sneak it into your sleeve which you then stick in your bag trick? Especially at drug stores?

No? (I know this may be only acceptable at Sephora in which there are no security devices or alarms but I DIGRESS)

Not even the sleeve to bathroom, stick in your bra/pockets/underwear move?

And as far as the Saks incident, try this on for size--AVOID CAMERAS and looking like a guilty idiot who is wearing the Hey-I-Stole-Something-Please-Arrest-Me! mug.

And "I don't know how that got there" has never helped anyone.

Look, I shoplift. This is no secret. Not because i'm bad or immoral. Sometimes, I just don't have money. And the entire time that I have been giving in to my kleptomanic tendencies, I have been caught ZERO times.

You know why? Because I know how to shoplift. I don't gape around in front security with the dopey totally asking for it face.

I'm not going to keep pressing this subject because now I just want to serve Winona Ryder with a swift kick to the ovaries. Avoid it at all costs but if you're going to shoplift, at least do it right!

Familiar Sound Of Ringing Security Alarm Signals Winona Ryder's Departure From Area Business [DEFAMER]