Reclaiming Real Beauty, Health, And A Woman's Right to Curves
The British Fashion Council has refused to ban the use of 'Size 0' models in London's Fashion Week.
Instead, they have requested that all designers use "healthy models" ages 16 and over...
(Because clearly fashion designers have a tight grip on what healthy looks like...)
Recently, Brazilian supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, claims that she has never suffered from anorexia because she "had a very strong family base" and that "The parents are responsible, not fashion."
Never mind that in the past month 3 women from Brazil have died from this disease, including 21 year old fashion model Ana Caolina Reston.
Fuck you, Gisele.
I'd say "Fuck You" to the British Fashion Council but I'd doubt they'd hear me as their heads are probably stuffed a toilet regurgitating their Sunday Roasts, or busy snorting coke off of Kate Moss' ribs.
Plus, the owner of Topshop -Sir Phillip Green- has pretty much given a big FUCK YOU to the BFC by taking some fucking responsibility by banning "waif" models:
"We all know what the definition of unhealthy is and we want to try to act correctly, responsibly and without causing a rift. Everyone wants to see people being healthy and we have got lots of good-looking girls who can be a healthy weight and look great."
Now, while it's great that a male owned fashion company is saying it wants to use "healthy" models and their website models don't look shockingly emaciated, they're certainly not exactly screaming,"LOOK I'M HEALTHY! I EAT!"
But still. At least his chickpea sized testicles had enough oomph to set an good example. Or, if nothing else, a PC PR move.
And Gisele? Oh please. PLEASE.
Look, I'm glad that she had such a sweet, and sugary home life and that her family apparently loved her enough to prevent her from feeling like she needed to starve herself.
What the fuck was that comment supposed to mean?
Does that mean that all those poor girls who feel so disgusted and horrible about themselves that the only way they can cope is to indirectly address their problems by depriving and starving themselves, should blame their parents for not loving them enough, or the "right way"?
Parents have a massive, colossal responsibility to educate, nurture their children. I agree whole heartedly and will thoroughly acknowledge that in a moment...
But PLEASE do not tell me, Gisele, that it is only PARENTS to blame for the GLOBAL issue of poor body image, low self-esteem, and eating disorders amongst young women and girls.
NOT FASHION?
If it's not fashion, than it's not fashion magazines, either, I suppose. It's not ads, or commercials. It's not TV. It's not movies. It's not lingerie catalogues. It's not runway shoes. It's just the parents fault.
Ummmm.....
Remember that whole Parental Advisory thing? Apparently, society, and the government think that certain types of media can be harmful to children, despite having a "strong family base".That sticker means that the music industry, despite it being forced, are still helping out parents by saying "Dude, you may not want your 13 year old son listening to this."
Globally, the film industry admits "Yeah, sure. We'll help a brother out" and rates it's movies, giving parents a heads up that "This gay love scene between 2 sexually frustrated cowboys may not be suitable for your 9 year old."
Holy crap, Gisele. Even TELEVISION agrees that parents, despite loving their children and doing their gosh darndest to raise their kids in a way that would cause them to not want to starve themselves to death, need some help and therefore RATE THEIR TELEVISION SHOWS to guide parents on which programs are appropriate for children.
The UK even has this nifty little thing called the ITCwhich even helps monitor which adverts should be played at certain times; the more 'family friendly' adverts playing during when children are more likely to be watching.
Oh yeah. Even video games have a rating system, as some language, themes, and violent scenes may be too intense for youngins.
So, on the whole, some of the biggest media outlets agree that their music/programs/films/games/advertisements contain content that could possibly be inappropriate and damaging to children.
While all of these sources of media cannot be made, for the most part, to remove this material -freedom of speech, etc- it is their legal, and some would say, social responsibility to warn parents and consumers that it contains such material.
There are absolutely times when parents need to take full responsibility for their children's actions, but choose to blame "the media", instead. (For example, the parents blaming Marilyn Manson for the Columbine murders.)
Globally, parents and consumers alike have agreed there are things in the media that can distort, alter, confuse, and even damage children.
Kids stab each other because they "saw it on Power Rangers". They accidentally shoot someone because they played a violent video game and didn't understand people die. They jump off the roof into a swimming pool and light themselves on fire because Johnny Knoxville did it.
We all cried out, "Where were the parents??!!" and "Why is this crap even on TV?"
It seems those in power are taking responsibility, as I've mentioned above, are trying to limit the amount of inappropriate sex, drugs, violence, and harsh language that children are exposed to.
However, how many girls need to die while trying to achieve the standards of beauty that they have learned from the exact some media outlets?
We have a global issue on our hands.
We have millions, and millions of women and girls all over the world who think they're ugly, and fat, and worthless, and disgusting, and are slowly killing themselves to try to obtain this unobtainable, western, media/fashion created image of "beauty".
Again, I agree that parenting has a HUGE impact on this, but where does this image come from?
OH. Fashion. Fashion Magazines. Movies. TV. Ads. Commercials. Even music.
The ONE issue that no body seems to want to touch, or take responsibility for is their influence on young girl's body image, and self-esteem.
Models, fashion agencies, fashion editors, designers, directors have all defended their use of skinny ass, unrealistic looking women by excusing it the problem away.
Models are just skinny. They're supposed to be, right?
Gisele says, "Everybody knows the standard for models is to be thin."
Right. Well, does everybody also know that in 1998, just 3 years after US television shows were introduced to Fiji, 12 out of 100 girls had bulimia?**
Did you know 70% of all 9 year olds are dieting?
Does everybody know that 90% of all women overestimate their body size by an average of 25%, and that 40% of all women see at least one body part as being 50% larger than it really is.
And WHY is this?
If someone says, "My thighs are big..." They're big compared to...what?
"My legs aren't supposed to look like this."....Why?
"My breasts are too small?"....Small compared to what?
You're "FAT"?....Fat compared to what??
The WHAT and the WHY are the images, the air brushed, starved, entourage created, digitally altered, surgically enhanced, UNREALISTIC, unobtainable, projection of what beauty is supposed to look like that we are bombarded with from every single media outlet across the world.
Our entire basis of what sexy, attractive, beautiful, pretty, hot, cute, and fuckable are, is based on what FASHION and MEDIA tell us it's based on. It always has.
But when is enough, enough?
Are the fashion industries really that disgusting that instead of taking responsibility, they will just pass the blame on bad parenting, and pick money and endorsements and playing nice with designers OVER the health of women?
I believe that the Fashion industry won't take any responsibility for these issues as their situation is a bit more unique than any other media outlet's. It's not as simple as just issuing a ratings system, is it?
What are they going to do? Make a "This magazine may cause images that will negatively influence your daughter's self image and greatly increases her chances of developing an eating disorder" sticker for every issue of Vogue?
That's not going to happen. Therefore the body image and beauty standards of the western world, that are poisoning the rest of the globe, need to CHANGE.
Where is the fucking responsibility?
Why will no one stand up? While will no one change? Why, are these poor, hurting girls allowed to feel ugly, and fat, and disgusting and unloved, and have no one in power speak up and MAKE A CHANGE?!!?
Why is it that 76% of UK women, and 59% of all US women feel that it is hard to feel personally beautiful when confronted with the media's ideals of beauty??
This is beyond the typical bulimic ballerina, the anorexic models, and the workout crazy fashionistas.
This is YOUR DAUGHTER.
This is YOU..
And this is even me.
I do not have an eating disorder..but, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they don't wish they were thinner, or lighter, or bigger busted.
It's not just "Oh the grass is always greener" or "Of course, everyone wants to change something about their body" or "just a woman thing".
Our minds are poisoned with an image of what women are SUPPOSED to be and look like.
How many times have I thought to myself, "My ass shouldn't look like this...I'm not supposed to have cellulite there...No one else has breasts shaped like this, do they?...Are my hips supposed to look like that in jeans?"
It all starts very young.
As young girls, when our bodies are changing and stretching, we're afraid. We're fragile. Is this supposed to be happening this way?
So we look for examples, we look for support, we look for validation that we are beautiful, just as we are.
And it gets to a point that we don't believe our mothers, anymore...They're our MOTHERS, they're SUPPOSED to think we're beautiful!
So, what else is there?
Hello, Media. Hello, Fashion World. Hello EVERY SINGLE MAGAZINE COVER, TV SHOW AND MOVIE.
No one else has hips like mine. No one else seems to have fat on their body like this....
I'm fat.
I don't look like I'm supposed to look. I'm not beautiful. I'm not loveable. I'm not worthy.
I am disgusted and ashamed to admit that growing up I would cry, and
cry because I felt fat. The first time I remember thinking I was "too
big" was when I was 12, and was just starting to reach puberty. I was
embarrassed of my thighs...AT 12.
I remember dieting for the first time at 14...
I had low self esteem, my parents divorce to live with, and depression that either caused, or stemmed from all of this..I've never had an eating disorder...But my body image has been FUCKED UP.
I'm just now learning to love myself, and love my body. Really love my body. To look in the mirror and instead of saying "I know I'm pretty, but I just have these floppy bits..." to just look, and like what I see without beating myself up over some aspect of my appearance that isn't as it "should be".
I am learning to appreciate my own REAL BEAUTY.
And this brings me to Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty.
I am so grateful, moved even, that finally...Finally we have people out there who are willing to DO SOMETHING about this horrible psychological epidemic that is killing young women all over the world.
A company that puts beautiful, gorgeous, real women out in the open.
Tattooed, scared, curvy, "imperfect" women who are real. And gorgeous....And that can help lift the shame.
Lift the shame that we all feel for not looking like the "ideal women" should.
I feel that there are hardly any causes greater than the need to improve the self-esteem, self-worth, and mental health of young women out there than this.
What reason do we have to not be passionate and proactive about this?
The depression, self-esteem issues, eating disorders, and psychological disorders that so many girls and women suffer from do not just develop from thin air.
I firmly believe young girls and boys desperately need their parents to set a positive standard for them. They need to feel loved, and nurtured, and intelligent, beautiful, unique, and worthy of love.
Dove is launching a program/workshop in the UK called "Body Talk" to "help young girls (and boys) understand and deal with feelings about their physical appearance, and learn how 'ideal' images of beauty are created".
They also emphasize the importance of positive role models for young women, and that they need positive self-esteem boosts BEFORE it ever occurs to them to think otherwise...
They even have a "Mums and Daughters" booklet that answers questions and gives advice to Mums (or other parental figures) on how to handle tough situations regarding self-esteem and body image, and also gives advice on how to set a postive example and encourage their daughter's self-esteem.
There are extreme cases where mothers or parents have been very harsh critics, negative, and sometimes deadly influences on their daughter's self-esteem.
Parents need to realize that their daughter is or will very soon be faced with these negative influences on their body image.
We need our parents. We need our mothers, we need other women to reach out to us BEFORE it ever crosses our mind that we need to be thin or big breasted or tiny to be worthy of love. We need to complimented, and receive attention for things other than just 'looking good' or being 'thin and pretty'.
I believe a lot of mothers need help on how to deal with their daughter's self-esteem, as many mothers (or parental figures) have/are still suffering from poor body image, and low self-esteem.
Real beauty...
Doesn't that just sound good?
Isn't it nice to say "curvy" and not have it be social code for "fat"? Curvy is beautiful, curves are beautiful.
We need to embrace health. As a society, I don't think we understand what "healthy" even means any more.
We're afraid of fat, we're afraid of eating fat...You're either a health freak, or a couch potato....
Where is the happy medium between being obese, anorexic, and being miserable that we our bodies are not how we think they should look?
The entire world needs to relearn what the world "healthy" really means.
And we need to open our eyes, and look at the real world, and discover that real, tangible beauty is all around....
I'm not condemning those who are thin and beautiful.
There are so many beautiful girls that are just naturally thin and tall. Just like there are many, many beautiful girls who are shorter that 5'8 and weigh plenty more than 115lbs.
I'm not saying that those of us, like myself, who are struggling with their body image must be ignorant or suffer from an eating disorder...We're trying to learn how to be healthy, and have a healthy body image.
We need to learn and acknowledge that we can still be BEAUTIFUL even despite having gained weight, or going up a jeans size...as long as you're HEALTHY.
Whoever said that healthy wasn't having any fat on your body? Having a perfectly toned ass?
Healthy doesn't mean that you're lean and trim. Healthy doesn't mean THIN.
At my thinnest, I was also my most unhealthy.
I was smoking, barely eating, barely sleeping, and living off of taco bell quesedillas, espresso, tea, and day old Starbucks pastries.
Healthy is beautiful. Happy is beautiful.
There is nothing wrong with being "bigger" as long as your health is not in serious risk, and you are HAPPY.
There is nothing wrong with being curvy. Or having a "muffin top", or cellulite, or stretch marks, or wonky tits.
Just look at Tyra Banks.
She's been criticized for gaining 30lbs since she stopped modelling. She's being called fat.
TYRA BANKS is being called FAT.
She is an ambitious, beautiful, intelligent woman who is NOT fat. She is curvy, she is not emaciated, she does not have a perfect stomach, or a perfect face, or a size 6 ass....
She is a real beauty. A real woman. SHE is a woman to look up to and idolize.
This subject is huge, and complex, and upsetting. To get out all of my feelings on this subject, I would probably have to write for a year without stopping. (I have wireless, that may be possible..)
The Dove videos, you've probably already seen them...but please watch them again.
There are moments where I just want to weep...because they're just real. They're honest.
I cannot preach about how to feel better about yourself, as I am a women who is still learning.
I can only share what I've learned.
But this is the most important journey of my life. To truly love and be confident with my mind and body...There is no greater journey, really.
Before we can cleanse the world of stereotypes and prejudices, and unobtainable body images, we first need to cleanse ourselves.
I'm starting with me.
May you do the same...and so on, and so forth.
**All statistics can be found on Dove's Campaign For Real Beauty website.
Comments
Let's hope they continue on ...
Great post!
I love Dove's new campaign.
I heard Gisele tried to backpedal after saying "Families are responsible, not the fashion industry" and say that she meant she had good genes that keep her skinny and blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.
Fantastic campaign from Dove (often wonder how its affected sales) and I'm happy to say that I've seen some change. Yes, there is still a shitload of work that's needed, but it's very nice to catch a silly award show, and hear the number one body focus is Jessica Biel's curvaceous butt, rather than a waif of a woman who's eight-months pregnant without showing.
Ahhh....to curves, to natural body types and healthy women everywhere!
I don't know what to say, except thank you.
[this is great]
Of course you know I love this - all of this.
Being a LARGE (250lb) woman who pole dances, I LOVE defying people's perceptions. I KNOW I'm sexy. It's about time other people start realizing it too!
That's part of why I go on so much about S Factor. I love that it provides an environment where I feel just as beautiful and sexy as every other woman. And I love seeing other women, women I envied and later learned had their own "I'm not pretty enough" issues realilze their beauty too. We frequently discuss that it's one of the biggest personal changes that happens there - you learn to see every woman, including yourself, as BEAUTIFUL.
Love you, CupCate!
to better myself FOR myself.
Thank you so much for this post.
You might be interested to read.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/01/24/spain.fashion.ap/
so very very good.
Thank you for sharing this. I hadn't seen these videos and didn't know about their work.
I don't buy fashion magazines and I don't watch TV. I don't even have TV. It's my way of not participating in this madness.
I could smack Gisele's head off her twiggy little neck. Family has nothing to do with anything. I had the most wonderful, loving upbringing, with two parents who - STILL - think the universe of me, but that didn't spare me from years upon years upon YEARS of anorexia alternating with compulsive overeating binges - again, something I still fight every. single, goddamn. day.
I fear for the daughters I may have someday. I fear for the daughters of friends. I don't think all the positive reinforcement in the world can spare them from the hateful barrage of media messages about their own imperfection.
I don't know. I'm spitting out words and thoughts and tears, but very coherently, I'm afraid.
Anyway, thank you for this. THIS is the kind of attitude and message and perspective that I try to surround myself with now, so thank you for the boost.
I would try and make a valuable comment here, but being part of the fashion media myself - if only in my tiny little way - I think I should keep out of it.
But you've met me, you know I'm all for curvy girls!
As someone who has experienced low self esteem and an eating disorder, it's so heartening to read that thin does not equate happy.
That thin does not equate goddess, because, let's face it, that's what we're made to think? To be thin is to be above everyone else. Thin is the holy grail of beauty.
Well, it's about time someone had the guts to stand up and say, you know what: it isn't. It's all a con, a lie concocted by the media.
I applaud you, I really do.
P.S...hope you don't mind but I've added you as a 'neighbour'.
T x
I don't even know what to say except KUDOS!
I wish I could say things as eloquently as you...
Great post. After my divorce, I dated a guy who was a classic emotional abuser. Mr. Wonderful for months, then he started to turn. In time, he started to get on me about my weight (135, 5'6") and my Buddha belly. Yes, I have a pooch, always have always will. I knew he was insane but telling me I was insulting him by not getting a flat stomach (I can't make this up). I dropped down to 123, hoping he would finally get the hell off my back and stop being stupid. He just found other things to criticize. I don't have a small frame so when I went home to see my family, they freaked and did an intervention.
We split, he stalked, I started getting my weight back (and then some) but a positive body image took a lot longer to recover. It took me standing in front of my mirror, naked, and saying, "I look damn good" to finally convince myself again.
It's tough out there as it is. The media doesn't need to make it harder.
A couple of years ago, It's Come to This and I went to this Buddhist mountain center that included Japanese baths where NO ONE wears swimwear and included nudity at the river gorge. Grannies, boob jobs, little girls...we all were unbashedly naked. It was amazing to see all the shapes, colors, forms, the scars, the wear and tear of life on women's bodies.....and later at the river men and women were nude in what was clearly the least sexualized situation I've ever been in....it freed me in so many ways.
Then a couple of years ago I worked parttime for fun at a JJill store (pre-divorce). Again I saw women of all body types, big and small, some with one breast, some with none....women with curves and rumps and all of o\it...moments they only shared with me, the dresser, in the privacty of fitting rooms...and I NEVER once helped fit a woman who did not have a feminine and decidely female shape. Not once. Each was lovely in her own way -- whether 25 or 65. And yet each complained about some part of their bodies...as they had been betrayed...as if it the body they had been given was a mistake. As if the female form was by itself a bad and unruly thing.
I learned so much about hating our bodies there and at Tassajara.
I remember a woman at the zen retreat who insisted on wearing a bathing suit in the women's baths...and it seemed the height of frailty.
I love this post thank you.
I was a secret bulimic for a few years (and no, it didn't make me lose much weight) and have battled constantly with weight for the last 10 years or so.
My mum used to be skinny, and I had this image to live up to I guess, and now.. she's overweight, and unhealthy. I wouldn't say curvy. :(
My sister who also battled with weight after her kids (shes 13 years older then me btw) is now a perfect 10. And he middle son is overweight, and he gets SO much stick from his family about his weight. As do I. And ya know what? It fucking hurts. I can see the pain in his eyes when she pokes fun about being a fatty. When she says to me or to him, "do you really need that bread fatty?"
I am not lying. She has been known to speak to us like this. :(
It woul be very refreshing if someone running these campaigns would come round and chat to my sister as well....
Ya know what hurts more? She is loaded. Very well off. She has a room of walk in wardrobes stuffed with nice designer clothes. I get some of the cast off's for "when you lose a bit of weight, you can fit into this"
Fuck her. and I will shove her expensive tat on eBay.
(can you tell she's not in my good books at the moment?!) ;)
Where do I even begin?
To everyone that said 'thank you' to me...God, you're welcome.
To everyone that has shared their stories of pain, and triumph, and journey with me...Thank YOU. :)
I think it is so important that women are supportive and understanding when it comes to body issues. And not sappy, "Oh my god you're my sister, we must stick together because we're women' sort of way...But because I think most of the time we're more afraid of the judgements of women, regarding our bodies, than men. Because we KNOW. We know if someone's wearing control top nylons, or a pair of Spanx, or they're sitting a certain way because they're uncomfortable with what they're wearing....
The change, does start with us :)
LeendaDLL-
I love that you pole dance, lol. :) I love that you have a group of women that you can talk to, and grow with, and share stories with. That is fantastic. And fuck yes your'e sexy. Sexy is as sexy does ;) xx
Pinot Princess-
You can lift a keg?! That's fucking awesome, lol. Yeah. I think I skipped right over a size four and went straight to an 8 ;) I'm glad that you've recovered from your injury...And yes, that is hot ;)
LoLoViVi_RoNo-
Thank you for sharing your story :) It just goes to show that no matter how thin, or tall or close to the "ideal" body type, we're all struggling, aren't we? I am so thrilled for you that you're starting to really love yourself :) It is okay to be still that you're still working hard to be better for yourself, and it will always be okay. Just like with depression (which I suffer from) it is a CONSTANT thing to deal with, you just don't go to therapy once and expect to be 'cured' just like losing weight or going down to a size 6 'once' doesn't mean you'll be that forever and are suddenly absolutely enamoured with yourself...
You are beautiful :) Thank you so much for sharing....
Atomic-
You are so welcome. Thank YOU for being so open, and for sharing. I used to be petrified at the thought of having a daughter one day, because of all the issues I have, ya know? But now...Think of how much we've learned, and will continue to learn in the years to come? I think that depriving ourselves of procreating because we're afraid of "fucking it up" is just another form of self hatred, in a way. We are all on a constant journey to learn, and love and accept ourselves...I don't know how we can spare our future daughters and sons from the media's destructive image of "beauty". We can try to enforce change, but the biggest change we need to try to control is the one within ourselves :)
Tea Bird-
Thank you :) And you're right. Why the fuck did "thin" become the holy grail of beauty? Why? Because it's so hard to achieve? Because it's less healthy? Because it's, for most of us, the exact opposite of what our bodies want to be?? GAWD. Sometimes I just want to burst into tears...It is that maddening.
AmyH-
It's just a vicious cyle, isn't it? You have to wonder why your ex felt that having a "buddha belly" was bad?? And fucking hell, you were 135 and 5'6??? Jesus, he must have been one pricky, picky bastard. Fuck!!! I hate men like that, I do. It's so disapointing because there are SO MANY MEN who are NOT like that! God, my ex that I wrote about here seriously sabotaged me trying to work out...even though a big reason I was working out was to get my endorphins up so I could get out of depression...Wouldn't join the gym with me, wouldn't go to the gym, would order pizza when he knew I was trying to eat better...he'd joke "I'm just trying to make you fat and unattractive to other men"...Haha, not funny! I'm so glad that you've gotten your positive body image back. That is awesome :)
TheBitterLinguist-
Holy shit, you have had some amazing experiences. I loved your stories. You are so wise, seriously...And so enriched with amazing experiences. The thought of being naked in a room of both men and women and have it not be sexual, or judgemental...How freeing would that be? I'm not to that point yet...And what's weird, is that I'm just now starting to feel comfortable changing in the locker rooms at the gym...I would honestly be more comfortable being naked in a room full of men, than women.
And yet each complained about some part of their bodies...as they had been betrayed...as if it the body they had been given was a mistake. As if the female form was by itself a bad and unruly thing.
That is so brilliantly written and insightful I could burst. Thank you ;)
Deborah-
Hey, I'm sorry I haven't said anything to you yet, but I'm so glad that you're getting better :) And the fact that someone thought your bruises were makeup, LOL...You're so right. We are all like snowflakes...Some are just a bit more to 'em :)
JodiPodi-
Jeezus. I'm so, so sorry that you've had to deal with such destructive, emotional abuse from your family...And I'm so sorry for your nephew. Fuck...She DOES need to go to that workshop. I hate to be nosey and bossy, but honestly, you can go on this website and even order pamphlets and free materials that may help him...Do you think your sister would even take him to one of those workshops? I am so, so sad for him...How she speaks to him AND YOU is disgusting. Jodi....You are fucking hot. You are gorgeous. You really, really are :)
Such a HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE :)
I am absolutely SO TOUCHED by everyone who has written their own take, or own personal stories. This is FUCKING FABULOUS. The change starts with us, and it has already started :)
Thank you firstly for the huge compliment :) Even though I think I give off the impression that I love myself (being a total photo whore and all) I don't really. Not deep down. It's weird I can't explain why!
Thanks as well for that link, I will try and pass it on somehow... nephew by the way is 15 (nearly 16) and been sent to boarding school (his choice apparently because he was bullied at his other school, and no doubt the bullying at home doesn't help).
I have tried to encourage him to come and do exercise and stuff with me, but being away from home all week its tough :(
Why will no one stand up? While will no one change? Why, are these poor, hurting girls allowed to feel ugly, and fat, and disgusting and unloved, and have no one in power speak up and MAKE A CHANGE?!!?
Money.
People in need, feeling bad, will do almost anything to feel better.
They will pay through the nose to be 'more'... more beautiful, more sexy, more wonderful, more desirable.
Everything can be pinned on to that - New Scientist did an article some time ago about the issue that a higher than average % of people who have plastic surgery commit suicide (than normal population). It isn't necessarily what is done, but that the people seeking PS are more likely to be mentally ill / have issues before PS.
Personally I think people get into the mentality of 'if only I ....' had a smaller nose, bigger breasts, tighter ass... I would be happy/sucessful/loved - and when they get that smaller/bigger/tighter item and they don't achieve what they wanted they are actually worse off than before.
Before they had the hope that it would work.
Now they know it won't.
That or they go back for more (or less) and think - just a bit more.
And that is money in the bank.
Fashion sells - fa$hion sells LOTS - and has far too many spin offs that pay pay pay. and the beauty industry rakes it in and everyone is happy......
The buyers don't count. Not really.
This is the first time I've visited you and you're going straight in my neighbourhood. That was an amazing and well-written post and the comments it has inspired are just as good.
I already worry about my daughter and what she'll be exposed to - she's only 16 months old, she has a fantastic appetite and she runs around and has fun; she's happy and healthy and confident. It breaks my heart to think that somewhere down the line, as she gets older, that confidence may be undermined by her exposure to vapid models and the pressure to be too thin.
I became annorexic when I was 20 - it's complicated, but it wasn't a desire to be thin that drove me, nor self-hatred - it was a means to gain some control in my life when I felt I had none following the death of my mother. It just became a sort of a hobby; to see how much weight I could lose, how little I could eat in one day, to see how many new bones I could feel sticking out at the end of each week. It was only when I started putting weight on again that I started to feel as though I was getting 'fat' - even though I still weighed less than I had before I started starving myself, when I didn't have a problem with self image.
I have to say that I learned to starve myself from my best friend at school whose mother always had a go at her for her puppy fat. Eventually, she thought 'right, that's it' and ate one frozen yoghurt a day and lost 2.5 stone in 3 months. She became so ill her periods stopped and her hair fell out. Despite this, she was unwittingly the biggest influence I had when I was casting around to find something to focus on.
Having had two children and having been through the process of putting on lots of weight during pregnancy, I realise that whether I am happy about my weight depends entirely on the context of weight gain or loss. A year ago, I was still wearing my husband's clothes and praying that one day I would be able to fit into a size 14, when I finally became a size 14 I was so happy, but now if I went up to a size 14 again, it would make me depressed.
I don't have a problem with food; I eat well and healthily and would never go back to those days of starvation and I'm old enough now to not be too affected by pictures of models and slebs. I can only hope that being a good role model for my children and ensuring that they're always told how wonderful I think they are will counteract the harm done by the media and peer pressure.
I hope this makes sense. Thanks once again.
I cannot even begin to say how much I relate. I remember my mother always fussing over her body. She was so vain. She'd always be on a diet. She'd serve up food that tasted like paper because SHE had to be thin. SHE had to be tanned. SHE had to lose weight, ALWAYS... why? Because "Daddy will leave us if I get Fat, honey. And then we'll be destitute on the streets."
My dad would never have left us. My mother was just one out of millions and millions of women who suffer from the illness that is an eating disorder. I remember catching her throw up a few times. She got pretty good at starving herself and using laxatives to go to the bathroom. After a while, I just ignored it.
I never realized the impact her poor body image had on me until I became anorexic myself. There was a time in my life when I became so depressed I ate and ate and ate. I gained weight until I weighed 210 pounds on a 5 foot 2 body frame.
Finally, I realized I was not healthy and decided to lose weight. I began running and dieting. In two years time I had become anorexic. I literally ate once or twice a week and counted every single calorie. If I had one calorie over the 500 I alloted myself, I'd punish myself by going to the gym and running for 3 hours and not eating for 2 days.
I realized when I went from a size 13 to a size 7 in a little over a month's time that something was wrong.
Big time.
Since I can remember, I've always thought I was ugly. I've always felt like I am fat, I have too many pimples, I can't go out without make-up on, nobody will like me if I am over weight. Every day of my life I look in the mirror and I think I am not good enough.
Even though I know I am a beautiful woman and even though I've conquered obesity and anorexia, I STILL to this day cannot move past the thoughts that bombard my mind every day that I am not good enough.
Honestly, I know that I have to take your advice and cleanse myself of these thoughts but it is so hard because from childhood, I've been trained to think this way. It's something I know I am going to have to work on a daily basis and fight the sick delusions that I'm not good enough. I know I can't blame my mother anymore. I know for my children's sake I have to LOVE myself and teach them about REAL beauty so that they do not feel the things I feel.. EVER.
Cate, I thank you for writing this post. You've inspired me. I'm marking it as a favorite and I plan to revisit it often to remind myself I'm beautiful.
I have never quite fit the very Brazilian "beach" girl stereotype, tan and toned (I am no Gisele after all!!), and have always struggled a little to keep up, but when I came from all these years abroad, living in a different climate, eating different food and facing a more challenging life, I had put a lot of weight. You cannot imagine what I suffered here when I came back!!! Nobody asked me how I was, what I had done, what I had achieved - it was just: "you look awful! why did you let yourself go?" And I tell you, most of this generosity and sensitivity came from women. Now that I am having a healthier lifestyle (not because of these people - quite the opposite, they just made me feel angry), I have already lost most of the weight I had gained, and I look the way I always did, not perfect, not thin but just me.
But it's still a constant battle here in this country, where everybody feels there is an obligation to look perfect in a tiny bikini... The sizes here are so small... I noticed the difference when I came back from America! I had put on weight and I just could not find a nice bra...
Anyway, thanks thanks thanks!!!!!!
Plump Nicole= cheap ho
Frighteningly scrawny Nicole= style icon.
And gotta love the Milan stylist who sniffed, in response to the ban on too-skinny models, "clothes just look better on super skinny women, so get used to it."
ok so yeah all that just to say, what a truly awesome post!
Whoo hoo! Great post! Way to go, Cupcate!
BTW - if YOU weren't hot the way you are, your name wouldn't be "Cupcate"!!! ;)
It's an amazing world we live in. The fact is, there is an obesity epidemic overtaking most of the industrialized world. It's serious, and it's killing us.
At the same time, our media-driven concept of what healthy weight is is so skewed that by those standards almost everyone is fat. We have no idea what is healthy anymore. If people had a more realistic concept of what healthy is, then I think a lot more people would be able to bring themselves to a healthy weight. As it is, it's so unattainable that most people don't feel inclined to try.
Great post, CupCate!
What we need to do is get over our obsession with "weight" and start focusing on our lifestyles. I'm one of the naturally-tall-and-skinny types, but I would hesitate to call myself "healthy," because I eat fast food every day, for crying out loud!
Let's focus more on making sure we're getting all the nutrients we need (although who the heck has time to eat NINE servings of veggies a day?!?) and getting off our duffs and getting a little exercise. If we obsessed over our arteries rather than our boobs, we'd all be better off.
You are so right. Wonderful, awesome post. :D
Super, incredible, amazing, poignant, and so, so very true. Great piece, CupCate!
Props to you
I think it's a measure of my maturity (what little maturity I'll own up to) that I diet and watch my weight to stay healthy. It's a little scary to think of my heart working all by itself, with the Important task of keeping me alive. I figure I should help it all I can.
But eating is a two edged sword! Too little is just as deadly as too much. And yet one is accepted while the other is sneered at.
People need to be realistic, and realize just how far they can push their bodies, and then to be content with the end result. I was skinny when I was in my teens, but then my lunches consisted of one green pepper (true). Now, I know how small my hips can get and how good I can look in which clothes. No need to go any further.
I'm new here, CupCate - I've been sent over by more than one person praising this great post!
She claims her Xanga is not pro-ana, and that anorexia is a hereditary chemical imbalance, not at all caused by fashion industry or societal pressures or anything - that you can't "make" someone be anorexic, and therefore she can't do anything about her disease. Hmph. She goes around to various message boards touting how fashion models should not weight more than 105 if they are under 6'0" tall and says she doesn't know any models with an eating disorder, but then if you call her on it she berates you for being "ignorant" and not understanding her disease. Bizarro. She looks like an Auschwitz victim to me.
... she looks like a walking skeleton.... and she still complains that she can't get below 85 pounds... THAT'S BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MUCH YOUR SKELETON WEIGHS omg.
Consider me floored. Oh. Myfucking. god. How sick...
You only have proven your own ignorance.
I am ANTI PRO ANA.
Yes, I have a disease, yes I work toward getting out of my current relapse.
HOWEVER-
My words on models and weights have NOTHING TO DO with my disorder.
I WORK IN FASHION.
My opinions on model weights are completely based on my WORK FIELD,
not on a disorder.
You see,
at my NATURAL HEALTHY weight I am "model thin"..
I MODELLED.
I HATED it.
I hated being sexy, beautiful, etc.....
anorexia has nothing to do with vanity.
The logic behind your opinion on me is skewed, Megan.
Call me on WHAT?
lol???????
My anorexia and my realistic views on fashion are 2 ENTIRELY separate beasts.
entirely.
For those of you who have not yet figured this out,
I am the girl with the xanga site you were linked to.
I am NOT pro ana...
I am ANTI pro ana.
Hence the sarcastic references on my page to "mary kate relapsing" etc..
If any of you have any questions at all...
I will be more than Happy to answer.
I am always glad to educate and share my situation if it in any way helps people understand these oft misunderstood matters.
Again-
My view on models and my personla struggle with anorexia are 100% separate.
I am NATURALLY MODEL THIN lol.'
venity and anorexia are 2 separate issues.
Yes, my pics can look ugly and horrifying....and hopefully this shows wanarexic kids what anorexia REALLY looks like....and how it looks NOTHING like a fashion model or jessica alba.
I am honest about what goes on in my head,
Logically I KNOW that 83 pounds is dangerously low...if it was a friend at this weight I would cry, but i cant see it in myself.
Again-
I will be more than happy to answer any questions.
That is insane.
And with the oodles and oodles of photos of graphic self-starvation displayed prominently (dare I say proudly), it does not seem to be a condition that one is ashamed of but actually bragging about... which makes it even scarier.
"STILL 85LBS" -- yeah, I think that Sabba is onto something there. How much does a human skeleton weigh?
Tamara, please get help. Whatever you claim your personal motivation/issues to be, your website does no one any good -- particularly not young girls who stumble across it.
How could you be that IGNORANT after reading my WORDS?
I am the "skeleton" and I weigh 83 pounds.
No, dear.
not bragging.
not in any way.
Not "proud" just clinical.
Oh and my website does ME good....and really thats who my main concern is and SHOULD be for.
As for the showing of my body in photos,
You'll find many anorectics who are able to do this sort of thing in that sort of arena.
Its a certain feeling of liberation.
In my "real life" I am constantly swaddled in clothing, layers, sweatshirts....
Ive always been confident, i know I am a pretty person....
but I dont like people scrutinizing my weight as it is the one aspect of my physical being which I am confused about.
To be able to reveal my body to other people who understand this sort of confusion and twisted necessity for emaciation
is almost clinical.
Sometimes it feels like revealing myself to a doctor...or at least people who know exactly what my issue is and so I feel i might be able to trust them.
.
The comments about how "great" I look are not what I wish to see on the page,
but I am not capable of controlling what other people say,
nor do I want to or should I have to.
I get hundreds of comments on that site.....I dont read 99.9% of them.
Wanarexia and pro ana are a plague.
There are hundreds of morons on that site who view my page and make
ignorant "youre my thinspo!"
type comments.
i dont acknowledge them, for the most part.....
although sometimes hearing people say "youre beautiful"
is not the WORST thing in the world when in my real life all I ever hear is how terrible I look.
Again-
I am only human.
However-
I dont long to hear about how pretty I look, etc....
I just want "yes, i see youve lost weight"
or "no, you dont look like youve lost weight"
or "YOU LOOK SICK." and to try to be able to trust it.
There are not that many "actual" disordered people on those sites.
anorexia only effects about 1%-4% of the population,
bulimia only slightly more.
most of those girls are lonely teenagers looking for acceptance.
I choose to ignore those masses.
I post the pics for several reasons....
to serve as an obsessive photo diary of my weight loss,
to show wanarexics what anorexia ACTUALLY looks like and that it DOES NOT look like 'jessica alba'......
and because I never am able to see myself as "very skinny"
so it helps me to hear it from other disordered girls.
I also find an artfulness in the physical manifestation of pain,
a sort of photo explanation of what goes on in my head.
...also,
those who know me will tell you I have a sense of humour about EVERYTHING,
suffering not with standing.
My brand of humour about my own struggles allows people to feel more comfortable around and with me , despite the fact that I may suffer from an afflicition which their unfamilliarity with might make them feel uneasy.
I have no shame about who I am.
I own no apologies.
Its my site and it serves the purpose which it was intended to serve.
I am not HERE to discourage women from anorexia....and I am IN a relapse.
My page is not INTENDED to be a farce....the fact that some of my words are sarcastic should not detract that the fact that the photos tell more of a real story than any of my "joking",
that my words....of how desperate I am to lose more weight
even though the photos show that theres maybe not so much left to lose
should show you the gravity of the matter.
I AM NOT HERE TO ENCOURAGE OR DISCOURAGE.
I am here for the reasons which I stated and to show people what anorexia looks like.
What they do with that information is beyond my realm of either control or concern.
I cannot fathom how any healthy girl would aspire to become what I am....
but they're none too smart and for that I cannot nor do i wish to help them.
If my pics DO scare some girls,
then I have done a good deed.
Its not that I am here to "dissuade" those who WANT anorexia,
I am more interested in protecting those who actually HAVE anorexia...
this misunderstood disease which, no, you cannot "catch".
I am more interested in providing truths about this disorder....more interested in educating people than saving them.
Pro Ana and wanarexia make MY life hard.
the moronic media fueled lies about what anorexia is influence how well your INSURANCE will cover treatment and many other things and opinions.
My xanga page does not represent who I am....
I am well known for speaking out LOUDLY against
"wanarexia"
and educating people about the actual disorder of
anorexia nervosa....again, a disorder which only about 1%-4% of the population have.
anorexia is
NOT A "LIFESTYLE CHOICE".
Its a disease.
DESPITE suffering from anorexia (i am currently ina relapse)
I have managed to be the best me that I could be.....
I am not ashamed of any part of who I am...even though I wish I did not suffer from this affliction, I am honest with myself and others about it.
BRAGGING?
ABOUT ANOREXIA?
never.
ever.
Proud?
of MYSELF DESPITE anorexia...sure.
Of anorexia?
are you MAD?
T
Fantastic post.
Congrats on the world tour!
does everything have to have an element of beauty for it to have worth? and does that beauty always have to be what your eyes see first?
I grew up constantly having to hear my mother talk about how ugly she was, how fat she was, how big her nose was, how bad her hair cut was...blah blah blah. After I got to a certain age I realized she wasn't just talking about herself anymore, she was talking about ME. She did not want me to be fat, so she made remarks about herself and how she hated being fat and how being fat was UGLY. And it went on from there...And this is a woman from a totally different generation. If you compare celebrities of today to celebrities of her time, you had people of all different shapes and sizes. No one was excessively toned!
If you are a mother of a child and you stand in front of a mirror and say, "I hate the way I look." you are starting it. If you are the father of a child and you refer to round women rudely, whether it be your wife, girlfriend or just some stranger on the street, you are starting it. If you are a parent and you openly show your disgust for people you do not find attractive, YOU are starting it.
Kids pick up on it quick. People can talk about Hollywood and fashion mags and all that stuff, but what is being said - off the cuff and without a thought - at home, is far more influencing than any airbrushed/heroine addicted model could ever be.
Cate, CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy your trip babe!
How did I "prove your point"?
You clearly have some issues with reading comprehension.
As always,
I have answered candidly and honestly.
Which part of "MY WORK IN FASHION HAS ZERO TO DO WITH MY DISORDER AND ANREXIA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH VANITY"
dont you understand?
Hun-
I was "beautiful" at my natural weight.
I was considered "ideally thin" at my natural weight.
I HATED the attention, I HATED being sexualized.
Anorexia was more about being sexless, disappearing, becoming invisible, self punishment, control, despair, obsession, compulsion and more.
My WORK is SEPARATE from my ILLNESS
100%
I am realistic about fashion models because they need to look the way they do to DRAPE CLOTHES as HANGERS WOULD.
I HAD that body naturally.
I DIDNT WANT IT.
Megan,
the sad fact is that YOU are only proving MY point.
Yours is the sort of ignorance I hope to minimize.
I hope you get some help before your mind completely shuts down.
As for my body-
I am being helped.
Sorry you couldnt allow ME to help YOU become a more understanding and educated human being.
There was another blog which had been started in response to your mentioning of my site.
Funny thing is that THOSE girls were much smarter than you, much more understanding, respectful and willing to learn and admit to maybe not fully comprehending certain things so they asked and got answers....answers which they in turn accepted and acknowledged as true, no matter how strange they may have seemed to them.
The fact that you still cannot comprehend how and why YOU were wrong is astounding to me.
I'm sure we can all COMPREHEND and UNDERSTAND and RESPECT that we don't understand you and your illness.
Got it.
I appreciate a different perspective on this issue, but, for fuck sake.
I think you could "educate" and help others become "more understanding and educated human beings" in better ways than what you're currently doing on your website.
I'm not going to tell you that you're disgusting.
All I'm going to say is you need to get help before this disease kills you. You KNOW you need help, so, it's up to you really.
Wanting to educate others about eating disorders and body image should not be fueled by wanting to prove what the disease REALLY looks like, or distinguishing between "wanarexics" and "anorexics" as that's really, REALLY not the point.
Anyway. This isn't what this post was about.
This post is positive, and about creating change...Not revelling in our pain and attacking each other, or trying to prove anything.
It's hard to acknowledge you have a problem AND get help for it. We ALL know and RESPECT THAT.
However, you lose the right to bitch at other people to UNDERSTAND YOU when you won't even take ALL of the necessary steps to go help YOURSELF UNDERSTAND.
When I was younger, I didn't even really realize (or maybe admit to myself) that I had body image issues. I was sure I was a kid that had my head screwed on straight, and figured I wasn't affected by crappy influences. It sucks to look back on those teenage years and remember not wanting to wear shorts because of my legs, or other random things. Now that I'm appreciating my body more, I'm sad for the time I spent hating problems that didn't really exist.
My family varies in body type - my dad, brother and sister who seem to be able to eat anything without having issues. I, however follow my mom perfectly. For a couple years, I was the "bigger sister" at 5'6 and 140 pounds. Comparisons were made between my sister and i, that in retrospect, were criminal. I think now we're are both learning to love what we have (people need to remember that thin people - even ones without eating disorders - can still have body image problems..)
Thank you for writing this post. It's a good reminder. I hope that if my life comes to a point where I have the opportunity to influence a child, I will be able to show them what self respect, and love of oneself looks like. I've been shown what it's like to love others with everything you have, and I hope one day I'll be able to project that feeling about myself. That would be one of my most important roles.
Thanks again. Good luck beautiful girls!
I seriously don't know where to start. This blog is EXTREMELY offensive.
You really didn't need to point out that you don't have an eating disorder because it's painfully obvious that you just don't understand what one is. The Giselle comment was stupid but so is blaming the media. Your "proof" is that 3 models have died from the disease in the past month (oh, and p.s genious it's been a year NOT a month). There are people in every indistry dying from this disease but you just don't hear about it as much because models are the ones who work in an image driven career and frankly it's just easiest to pin it on that. You'll never hear about nurses being the cause of eating disorders but I personally know of more then 3 nurses who have past away in the last year from an eating disorder. But obviouslly that is the fault of the models.
As someone who suffers from an eating disorder I can honestly say that not one fleck of my disease is driven by media nor is it driven by the desire to be considered attractive. Quite opposite, I hate being noticed in a sexual way. It makes me feel like I am nothing and worthless and thats the worst feeling in the world. It has nothing to do with my parents. It's just something that is ingrianed in me and something I was born with. I also suffer from OCD which is bery common for people with eating disorders. Where is that comparrison in your blog? Where are the opinions of the doctors who study the disorder?
P.S. JJ - try spelling "genius" correctly if you're going to use it as an insult.
I just want to put my two cents in here.
I have an eating disorder. And I can genuinely say that tamaranyc is greatly respected and loved in the eating disorder support groups online. Not because of her weight, because of her determination and dedication in educating the ignorant about these disorders.
Mental health carries with it a HUGE stigma and a HUGE amount of ignorance. This can be very isolating for those who suffer.
She is highly ANTI Pro-ana. Anyone who is into 'Pro-Ana' does not truly suffer the disease. Because those of us who do suffer, would NEVER be 'pro' for our disease. And it is highly offensive to us when we do come across these 'wanarexics' who seem to believe you can 'catch' anorexia. It also trivialises what we go through.
I have a great respect for tamaranyc for putting in the time, effort and dedication to try to make a stand against the 'Pro-Ana' movement that seems to have taken off in recent years.
Ya know what?
I read this original entry and thought "fuck me this is highlighting such a postive message". Then I read all the retorts from "some" eating disorder sufferers and I smiled to myself.
Why?
Because I have SUFFERED from an eating disorder.
The people that have come on here and spouted off like they are the bloody little miss know it all's about anorexia etc piss me off!
Nobody who has ever been through suffering from eating disorders, needs to brag about their disease. I have managed for many years to avoid talking about it, and I certainly don't feel the need to have to keep bringing it up again and again.
Cupcate made a great and positive entry about women and the way media portrays stick thin models etc. and it made me think. It made an impact on me, because she hit the spot for me, and something in me clicked. I realised a lot of the stuff she wrote about a long time ago, but to see it written down. To see someone else speak the words I have so often thought about, gave ME strength. I can't understand what the hell is wrong with this? Why are some of you so up your own arse to realise the true positivity in her post?
I am not so deluded to realise that the media has a HUGE impact on why women/girls become obsessive about weight or body image, because in my honest opinion, it was reading magazines etc that made me feel SHIT about myself. Coupled with the fact I had an "image" to live up to within my family.
But for me personally, it WAS the media that made me worse.
I cannot stand to read about pro-ana type sites and I cannot stand to read people criticise this post, because for ME, as a person who has suffered from this kind of illness (in my case bulimia), I found this post to be positive, optimistic and empowering.
All the negative comments on here have done NOTHING to change my opinion. In fact you have made me glad I am no longer one of you. I used to be one of you, but thank fucking God I saw the light. Thank goodness I stopped dwelling in my pool of calorific misery and woke up.
Today, I still struggle with weight, but I am no longer starving myself, binging, puking, using laxative to get an effect. (It barely worked anyway!)
Today, I know now to to eat relatively sensibly, and exercise some self control, something which I have struggled with for many years. I could do better, but I am proud to call myself "normal". I am grown up enough to realise that starving, binge eating and all the other things aren't the key.
Skinny ain't sexy in my opinion. Sorry!
I am proud to be me today. Curves and all. :)
Frankly, I don't think the comment area in someone else's blog is the place for debate. Comments are great, but when someone comes in repeatedly because they disagree with the poster, followed by their friends... well, then, I just believe it needs to be taken elsewhere. Like to their own blogs.
You may not agree with everything CupCate has said. Fine. The comment area is there for people to leave comments, but make it and go. I personally, again, don't feel this is the place for disagreements. I could be wrong... just my opinion.
THANK YOU :)
I'm so touched that this post helped you in any way shape or form...To be honest, writing it, and hearing everyone's stories have helped me. Thank you for understanding the true message of this post, and for being such a positive, and kick ass woman. Thank you, thank you :) I love you!!!!
Sandy, Gracie, Megan, Ellen, Flutter Box...
Rogue, Erin Sassafrass, VeryScaryCarnival, MichelleMyBelle, AmyH, , Aubrey...
Sandy!
Little Maio, Studio 524, Girl Unblogged, Maria, Pax, Drix, Deborah, Cate..
Jando! Blue-Cat!
I'm so sorry if I missed anyone's name!!!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your stories, and for reading such a gargantuan post!! Thank you.
*Big sloppy Internet Kiss for All*
(Sorry for the slightly angry post)
I dont remember reading anywhere in cate's blog that claimed that her post was an "Exhaustive Insight" into eating disorders that needed a doctors opinion for validation, nor was it an attack on anyone that suffers from any one disease, if you actually read the post, she is highlighting ONE aspect of ONE issue, which is that the media ONLY portrays beauty in a stereotypical fashion and that they are forcing our children to believe that in order to be like their role models, they need to be thinner than thin.
And the difference with nurses is, its not a requirement of the job to be a size zero, never mind that nurses have long working hours in terrible conditions and for minimal pay. How dare you compare our "life saving" nurses to women that are starving themselves to be Fashionable.
No Models arn't the ONLY cause of eating disorders in young girls, but anyone that is a role model that is promoting having an eating disorder as being cool and fashionable should be held responsible.
If you truly cared about this issue, you would have known that ANY post, article or comment bringing to light issues close to home (whatever the reason or symptom) would be GOOD for your cause. Jumping on that bandwagon and giving a little insight into what it is REALLY like instead of flaming, THAT would have been genius.
I'm a middle aged mother of a teen aged son and 24 year old college student daughter. I realized too late how my inability to view myself in a healthy way had impacted my children. It never occurred to me that my struggle would or could become theirs. It has, particularly with my daughter.
I think our world is far more understanding of men/boys and their bodies than girls. My daughter now struggles with her own self-esteem, and it's hard to come to the conclusion as a mom that I played such a role in her feelings. I didn't want anything but for her to feel content with herself no matter what her weight, no matter what her skin, or anything else that can cause significant distress emotionally.
I realize every time I said I hated my big feet, size 10, she got the message that now her size 12+ feet are REALLY big. And of course every time I commented on my flat ass or fat stomach, now that she wears a size larger than I, she got the message that at her size she is not ok. It doesn't matter that she is taller than I am. It doesn't matter that we all have different body types and carry weight differently and it also doesn't matter that I was talking about me because for girls they so closely associate with their moms that it's almost one and the same to them.
As parents we want to do the right thing for our children. The problem is we haven't been given instructions and haven't examined our own behaviors enough to realize how we even feel about ourselves let alone what our opinions and views of ourselves can do to our children.
I see so clearly now how socialization is such a huge thing with kids. My son lives with me. His father and I have been divorced for many years and both my kids have taken my more liberal views in politics. They have 2 parents but the one they spent time with, talking to about politics, listening to about body view, that is the one they have modeled. That would be me and I am so ashamed of how I have impacted them.
Still, I can't go back and do it again. That's why when I started to change my physical life I never once told my son he had to. I have offered him better choices but have actually sat down with him and told him he is entitled to his own way of doing life. He is the one who will pay or not and ultimately who must make the choice. I have also worked really hard at not hiding my weight from anyone. I always hid my weight before. I don't think I should do that ever, ever again. It implies shame of self and I have no reason to be ashamed. I'm a wonderful human being with good values and a heart full of love for my family.
My weight ranges from 175 to 180 roughly. I can't seem to get lower and I work out daily with specific routines on my treadmill and crunches on my ball. I also use nordic poles while working out on treadmill and free weights if my poles aren't handy. I walk anywhere from 3 to 8 miles per day. I wear size 12 and I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm proud of myself for getting that it's about health not about weight, even though it took me until my middle years to figure it out.
I'm thrilled with the Dove campaign for real beauty. It is desperately needed.
I think, CupCate, that you have done a great thing voicing your opinion. You have done nothing wrong. Just as those who have voiced an alternate opinion have a right to their opinions. Still, while we want to honor each other for the differences we also want to make sure the message is not lost. The message is to value ourselves and our individual ideals. If people want to have an argument there is a better place to do that than in the middle of a persons private blog.
Be good to yourselves. Be respectful of who you are on the inside. The outside is just packaging.
I appreciate the comments that point out that flaming shouldn't take place in the comment section of someones blog, I also appreciate that this blog wasn't an exhaustive indepth exploration into eating disorders. The only reason I felt it necessary to comment was due to someone linking to tamaranyc's Xanga and making harsh judgement.
I actually thought quite highly of this blog. It was good to read from a more 'normal' standpoint rather than from my own eating disordered standpoint for a change. Yes the media does play a huge part in normal womens perceptions of themselves, however the media cannot CREATE an eating disorder. It can only contribute.
So kudos, seeing as I didn't give it in my last comment.
i blame the media for most girl's image issues because many girls don't actually have the disease. however, that doesn't mean you should totally forget that girls desperately try to lose weight by starving themselves or working out (i know a few borderlines) from outside pressure, not within.
i remember in 7th grade i thought i was fat at 5'4", 125lb, size 7. i never did anything drastic (thank god) but i remember thinking i should diet.
i was one crazy bitch.
i'm now size 11, 150lb but more comfortable with my body than i ever have been. all you need is some reassurance. like this blog.
(it also doesn't hurt to have someone to love your curves with you)
This is a fantastic entry.
I guess choking is a natural progression for the search of higher highs with the insatiable sex addict. Same with all this external stuff that women grasp at seeking happiness - looking for inner fulfillment through outer possessions. (Men are graspers as well, but I am addressing the topic of natural women here.)
V (Male)
Agnostic Freethinker
Practical Philosopher
For free access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive spending, debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write: vfr44@aol.com. Any opinion expressed here is that of my own and is not the opinion, recommendation or belief of any group or organization.
Jesus Christ... you sound like you have some serious issues.
Actually, you sound like a paedophile: "Once in a while I see a nice, natural girl, without tons of makeup that exudes inner and outer beauty. Fresh pink skin, clean, plain and nicely groomed hair and dressed neatly. No, she is not a hot babe if one judges them by current trends, but she exhibits her 'hotness' in a way that seems to be lost nowadays...freshness and wholesomeness." Let me guess, you prefer women to be "brazilian waxed". The less a woman appears to be an adult, the better for you, correct?
The "right" direction meaning the direction of your choice.
One would think sex addicts have plenty to work on within themselves before complaining about others. Men who need porn to stimulate themselves sexually have deeper problems then how women should appear. Addiction is not being able to get enough of what you really don't want. Maybe you should look at that too.
*********** REPLY SEPARATOR ***********
Thank you for your reply matisse.
Also see my earlier discussion of this 'nature' topic:
V (Male)
Agnostic Freethinker
Practical Philosopher
For free access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive spending, debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write: vfr44@aol.com. Any opinion expressed here is that of my own and is not the opinion, recommendation or belief of any group or organization.
http://adage.com/garfield/article?article_id=120975
Not that that would make them hypocrites or anything...
I'm under the impression that maybe the women that actually work at Dove hate the fact that their owned by the same people that do Lynx and Slimfast. Regardless, I still think their adverts are important and I'm happy that at least someone in the advertising industry is trying to show us something other than bone thin models.
But it is stupid that they're doing it while selling us lotion. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment. Welcome to Vox!
Anyway, the latest bits.........
Dove, although OWNED by the people who own Slimfast/Lynx etc is still a separate entity from the company and have their own plan and marketing strategy. Its how business works. If I can be a bit blokey on this, you can compare it to Fiat. Fiat is the largest company in Italy by quite some margin as it owns Ferrari, Maserati, Alfa Romeo, Lancia and a lot of other smaller subsiduaries........and every one of them is effectively run independently. The only thing that will be shared is a money pool. You can compare the Dove scenario.........so I think its a bit harsh to have a pop at Dove for being owned by a hypochritical company..........anyway, thats trivial, I will get on to my main comments.......
I know this was posted over a yer ago now and I have only just read this, so my apologies, but I thought the original post was just fantastic...........
So, how do I see this? Ok, I have never suffered from an eating disorder, but have always been conscious of my body as I have always felt as though I was out of the "norm". I am 5'5" (which most would say is short for a man), I have very short legs (25' inside leg), long body, long neck......just sounds weird doesn't it? Yet, either most people are lying to me or my mirror in my room is from a fairground, I don't look too bad sometimes. I am not saying I am Brad Pitt (oh, the thought...........), but I get by I guess. Nothing bad, nothing special.........
But it IS the little things that even we, as men, pick up. We are supposed to be toned, we are supposed to be tall, dark, handsome...all the usual cliches. None of which fit me. And sometimes I just wish I was like someone else because it is pumped into us from every angle (and yes, I have read the comments on parental guidance too and I couldn't agree more) that we are supposed to look a certain way, to be able to achieve a certain lifestyle because of how we look. Wrong, just plain wrong. I happen to have some wonderful mates who have actually modelled and are really quite good looking. And they are just as unhappy about their own lives sometimes. Everyones life is different......
Anyway, I digress.........
For me, what the media portray is totally opposite to what the public and what MEN actually see as attractive. The perception is turning slightly and that scares me as its now being filtered down to men too that women are more beautiful if they are skinny and look like they have just walked straight off the page of a magazine.
But pretty much without exception, all of my friends, my contemporaries, don't want to see skinny girls and dont find them attractive at all. If anything, its the opposite. Pretty much ALL want to see curvy girls, a lot of them have people like Kate Winslett and Catherine Zeta Jones in their blokey "top ten women" lists we all have. Both have been known to fluctuate wildly with their weight and yet look WAY better with curves. Kate is properly, properly gorgeous and yet is not your average catwalk model. She is a real woman, a beautiful woman and the kind of woman that 99% of the male population like to see. So it IS the media that is portraying this image of "skinny is beautiful" cos the public (well, men, and lets face it, be honest, fashion, when it boils down to it, is about looking good for none other than the opposite sex) don't want that.
Oh, and as a slight aside, as a comparison, this is genuine........
If I see a girl on a magazine who is thin, who looks a little rakish, but is quite attractive, I think "hmmm....pretty, but need a good meal". But, without exception, the Dove adverts are trully, honestly and properly beautiful. Some of the women on there are just stunningly sexy. The little "pot bellies" that some of the women have, the "proper" shaped legs, the wider hips........just the radiance that the women on those adverts exude.........oh my.........they HONESTLY make my heart jump a beat occasionally because it is so, so, SO damn sexy. They are REAL women, the women that most men have encountered along their lives. The women we know when we have been in a relationship, the women we have known when the night has been a lucky one and the girl has taken a shine to you..............its all assoctiation and believe me, I would rather have a "real" woman to curl up around and hug and squeeze and feel warm against in my bed than a bag of bones who is neurotic about how she looks naked!
Anyway, that part of the rant over..............
Another thing that grated on my was the people who commented who have admitted to eating disorders and have said that the reason they were concerned about their weight and wanted to get it down was to NOT be seen as something sexual. I didn't understand this at all. Women are curvy for a reason. To attract the opposite sex. This, as a scientist, I know as I have seen the studies and reports that prove the point. So, by DEFAULT, a woman is a sexual being. It doesn't matter how many feminists shout and scream at this and say that this is male led research blah blah blah.............oh fuck off and get over yourselves. Women are sexual. Fact. Women are built in a way to attract men, to procreate with them and produce offspring. What is more sexual than that? Its a beuatiful, beautiful thing.........but anyway, back to my earlier point in this paragraph....Note, I didn't say sexual OBJECT. That is a very, very different thing. I cannot be doing with men who treat women like objects, but women ARE a sexual being and that inevitably attracts men. This isn't a sexist or male comment, its a fact. I realise that women want to be seen as something other than something sexual and can completely understand that, totally and on a day to day basis, working, socialising and so on, that sexuality shouldn't be touched upon, but it IS there. The very BEING of women is sexual. And that is a trully, trully beautiful thing.
So, why do you want to run away from this? EMBRACE your sexuality. I am not saying use it to your advantage, I am not saying use it for the wrong reasons. All I am saying is be happy you are a woman and all that goes along with it. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is totally confident in herself, totally confident in her sexuality and knows who and what she is. She doesn't have to be Elle McPherson, she can be Dawn French (who, incidentally, I find very, very attractive). But if she radiates confidence, sexuality and "womanness", it is AMAZING what that person can do.
I know, its easier said than done. But to run away from who you are? WHAT you are? You don't want to feel sexual? That is such a shame and causes me great sadness because if you are in touch with this side of yourself, be you female OR male, it is a wonderful thing. Get out of the mindset that everyone is looking at you in a sexual way. They really, really aren't and its a slightly arrogant and narcissitic point of view if you think everyone is. That in itself is vanity. And it breeds on itself. So, if you don't like it, well.............sorry, but you are looking at yourself in completely the wrong way because it IS who you are.....
The female of the species is a wonderous, wonderous and amazing creature, in ALL forms. But nurturing a child as they grow up to believe this in themselves is a tough job. Eating disorders have become prevalent in a big way recently because of the explosion of the media and what is portrayed in it, but on top of that, as pointed out very poignantly be some commenters here, it is also the lack of knowledge and guidance from parents. It DOES start from home, but the media backs up any insecurities that are there. And the whole thing becomes a spiral.
On top of this, we have the proliferation of "easy" food, we have the widespread proliferation of low nutritional food and we have the playground taunts from girls (and boys) who probably have their own issues but hide them better from everyone. Its a minefield out there, it really is. And why? Because you can't get AWAY from the media anymore.
50 years ago, people read the newspaper and might see the odd advert on TV or a billboard. THAT was it. Nowadays, it doesn't matter where you turn, you can't get away from images of a sexual nature selling things, you can't hide from magazines (which is now even worse as those newspapers that people read 50 years ago HAVE those magazines in them, so no hiding there).And you didn't hear of eating disorders back then did you? Ok, you can throw the old "well, everything is reported now, and it wasn't back then" argument into the hat, but it is generally understood that eating disorders HAVE become more prevelant. How can you NOT say that the media has an influence? Of COURSE it does! It would take a very ignorant person to say it doesn't. I am not knocking or being antagonistic to the poor women on here who have got or had eating disorders as every case is different and clearly we cannot pretend to know what it is like to suffer like that. But to delusion yourself to say that the media doesn't have an influence? Naive beyond help really...........
Be a woman, love who you are, realise that what you see in the media is not real, don't believe the hype, embrace your sexuality, eat sensibly and learn to love yourself. It might be harder than you think and easier said than done (I know. I still struggle with my own self image. Its taken me 35 years to come round to nearly quite liking myself!), but we have to get out of the mindset that what we see is how it should be.
I feel very, very sorry for the women who are running away from being "seen" as something sexual though. The very fact you got into modelling means you must have had some kind of vanity in the first place (I get scared and disgusted when I hear young girls say they want to be a model when they get older. Hang on, who told you you were model material? Modelling IS vain...........). But to go into it not realising that the majority of people will see you as something sexual while you doing it, then HATE that very thing and becoming depressed and drastic about it? Did you think this through? If you don't want to be seen as something sexual, don't work in an environment that is overtly sexual in the first place!!! Very strange..........
Anyway, I am rambling now.
Women, you are all wonderful as you are, tall, short, skinny, fat.............even normal! But please, just love who you are, what you are and believe that in real life (and I MEAN "real life"), we don't live in the pages of a magazine. We are who we are, so live with it. You will find that you are much more beautiful within than many of the airheads and bimbos who aspire to nothing more in their lives than just looking good. When this happens to all women, the world will be a much better place.
Wonderful post CupCate...........fantastic stuff.